Amends

Please bear with me as I offer some amends and an explanation, hopefully of the "not-to-bullshitty" variety.

I have really neglected you lately. The blog has slipped down my list of priorities as this ongoing battle with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder) drags on. I have relied on posting articles that I thought might be of interest, told myself that I was doing this because I was too sick and tired to write. Recently I realized that it wasn't illness keeping me from writing, it was dishonesty.

I try to only write about what I know, and what I know right now is that this process of recovery from pneumonia and COPD is much more than I thought it would be. In a sense, I came out of the hospital like a guy fresh from the rehab and feeling "cured" only to find out he was a lot sicker than he thought he was. And like rehab guy, I have to start at Step One.

I am powerless over this illness. It has impacted every area of my life, on a day to day basis it affects everything from my sleep to my mood to my ability to work and play. I can't deal with it on my own. My wife, my Docs (both medical and alternative) my family, my friends--I rely on them all for help, and trust that they are decent and forgiving people who can put up with my moodiness. (Which, by the way, had been enhanced by big doses of steroids. Mercifully, that's over.)

Powerlessness doesn't mean I am helpless--quite the opposite. It means that my work is to do the best I can to help myself: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I believe that my Higher Power doesn't reward laziness. His will is not to do for me the things I need to do for myself. It's to support me as I try my best to do my best.

So now you have it, the straight skinny as we used to say. I sincerely apologize for the long silences, and resolve to do better.

Thanks for letting me share.