The Power Of Talk

What I am writing here, is opinion. It’s the opinion of a professional counselor who has spent many, many hours working with addicts and their families, their friends, their employers, their attorneys and their probation officers.

Many hours talking. Thousands of hours, if I added them up.

We talk about life, problems, compulsions, successes and failures. We talk about pain and joy and sometimes we talk about the sheer horror that accompanies addiction. Sometimes the talk is loud and angry, sometimes it is interrupted by tears, sometimes by laughter. The talk can be pressured and anxious, it can be relaxed and spontaneous. Sometimes it can be whispered, haltingly. Sometimes it's a flood.

Out of all this talk, I’ve come to conclusions that I’d like to share.

First, talk is healthy. Addiction thrives on secrecy because addiction is always based in shame. As the addiction drives our actions we become ashamed,not only of what we’ve done, but of who we are. Of what we are. And as long as that shame is wrapped in secrecy, it becomes stronger until it is a wall that cuts us off from the rest of human companionship.

The first time that an addict says their name at a 12 Step meeting followed by the words “and I’m an addict” something powerful begins to happen. The wall begins to crack, and the warmth of the other members flows in. Shame encounters a setback. Good talk has begun to replace the cold emptiness.

The Secret is out.

Second, talking out problems helps us to better understand them and come up with ways of solving them. There’s an old saying, “if you spend too much time in your head, you’re living in a bad neighborhood.”

it’s true. Talking to yourself rarely makes a problem easier to solve or an obstacle smaller. It’s more likely that we just keep turning something over and over in our heads, somehow making it more difficult and complex at every turn.

Talking it out with someone who is a really good listener, like an experienced professional counselor, is a different story. As we talk about difficulties we conceptualize them, we receive feedback which allows us to gain a perspective on what's causing our problem. Whatever the issue is, we’re no longer alone with it.

I’m very fortunate that I’ve spent most of my life talking with people as they face problems and solve them. To accompany them on their journey as they go through dark times and emerge into the sunlight.

It’s a good life. Let’s get together and talk!

Ken Williams
484 431 2931
KenWilliamsRecovery@gmail.com

"Sometimes There Isn't A Next Time"

This moving letter from a grandmother, originally published in the Delaware County Daily Times, had such an impact that I wanted to share it with as many people as possible.
If you have any concerns about your kids, please contact me at 484 431 2931, or email me at KenWilliamsRecovery@gmail.com

http://www.delcotimes.com/article/DC/20150902/NEWS/150909924

The Comeback Kid

THE COMEBACK KID

Yeah, it's been a while.

I haven't posted anything on my Recovery page for a long time. Honestly, for a while I didn't know if I would ever post anything here again. It's been a tough time. I considered myself retired, but not really, not deep down.

I wasn't retired. I was sick. And sad. It was a really tough time. A lot of you know the story, and I am very grateful for the ways in which you have stuck by me.

But there's a point in all of our lives when, even in the midst of suffering, circumstances force you to raise your head from your own grief and look around at what's going on.

For forty years I have been a drug counselor. I've worked with addicts and their families. I've worked inpatient, outpatient, halfway houses and Intensive Outpatient. I've been an interventionist, a group therapist, a family counselor and for a time, God help us all, an administrator. I've also been an advocate and a very vocal critic of the way people with substance use disorders and their families are treated in our society. I've also worked with defense attorneys as an evaluator and expert witness in custody and criminal cases involving drugs.

And, as many of you know, I am a recovering addict, and my own struggles with addiction, I believe, inform my work with others. I believe in recovery from addiction as a practical reality, not an abstraction.

Recovery is my passion.

So, my “retirement” is at an end. It felt awfully self-indulgent to be idle when kids are dropping dead in an opiate epidemic of insane proportions, while the pharmaceutical companies profit both from the drugs fueling
the addiction and the medications that treat it. I didn't get into this work to be on the sidelines.

I'm back. Call me at 484 431 2931. Email me at KenWilliamsRecovery@gmail.com

I'll work with you.

Patriotism

I realize that on Memorial Day we are supposed to honor our war dead, march in parades and wave the flag. Politicians in particular like to do this,  but a lot of the rest of us are equally culpable. We have hot dogs, too, and watch the President lay wreaths on the "unknowns". I would imagine they are unknown because, as a nation, we are too goddamned cheap for DNA tests.
Let's take a moment, as we engage in our patriotic hoo-hah, to remember that conditions in most Veterans Hospitals are terrible, most Veterans benefits are all but decimated, mental health benefits for Veterans are either scarce to the point of non-existence or buried under so many layers of red tape that one has to wonder if it isn't intentional.
And we may also want to take a moment to consider that the reason for this national disgrace is the guy up there waving the flag the most vigorously.
It's easy to see who really supports the military,  it's the one whose voting record shows it. Don't bother looking  to see who waves the flag.
Look for the one to give a damn.

Mother's Day

I like to point out on this cloyingly sentimental day of days, that my mother despised Mothers Day. 
Hated it with a passion.
The cards, the cakes, the grave blankets all came in for a dose of scorn, but the worst derision was reserved for adult children.
"They drag these poor old souls out to the most crowded restaurants on the busiest day of the year to get cold food and lousy service, mostly because they feel guilty for treating them like crap the rest of the year."
You tell 'em, ma.

Self-interest

This may surprise anyone  familiar with my socialist tendencies, but I like self-interest.
Enlightened self-interest, that is.
I wrote the other day that somewhere in the vicinity of 31 million Americans identify as being in recovery from addictions. If you look at the popular vote in the last presidential election, you'll see that the winning candidate received about 4 million more votes  than the loser. And as usual,  the total vote was  only a little more than a third of the total of eligible voters.
But that's beside the point, which is this.
There is an enormous amount of political power available right now, if recovering people are willing to grasp it.
Think of the possibilities. 
Every serious presidential candidate having to take a position on issues that involve recovering people.
Issues like availability of treatment, sentencing inequality, police brutality targeting addicts, discrimination and social prejudice. The list goes on and on.
In 2008 recovery meant rebuilding the country during a time of economic disaster.
In 2015, Recovery could be the banner under which recovering individuals join together in a spirit of enlightened self-interest.
It's time.

Addict To Addict Prejudices

I had a friend ran methadone clinics for years. She used to say that her clients were the "lepers of the Recovery Movement." At the time I thought she was being a little dramatic, but now, I'm not so sure.
Of all the things I write or speak about related to addiction and recovery, the use of medications as recovery aids is the most controversial. No contest.
Despite reams of research and thousands of case histories to the contrary, the responses I get to the most mild of posts about Suboxone or methadone or any of the other meds currently in use, are that these are clearly bad medicines.
They kill addicts, protract withdrawal,  cheat people of the opportunity for "real" recovery, and inevitably lead to relapse.
Ironically, most of these responders identify themselves as recovering addicts.
Yeah, that was a tough one to swallow.
Common sense would suggest that someone who had managed to put their addiction behind them would be the most open to the experiences of others.
Not so.
Users of Suboxone are welcome to attend 12 Step meetings, but not to share, lest someone get the "wrong" idea about recovery. Of course you can keep your mouth shut about your meds and engage in a "don't ask, don't tell" closeted recovery. As if addiction wasn't demeaning enough, it's pretty rough when the place that proselytizes "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using" treats you like a 2nd class, well, addict.
An estimated 31 million Americans identify as being in recovery from addictions, and the means by which they have recovered are many and varied. We need a much broader definition of recovery that encompasses and respects all.
Enough of this silly and divisive nonsense about who is and who is not in recovery.

History repeats itself, and somehow we're shocked by it.

I posted on Facebook today that we would do well to remember the peaceful nebbishes of Occupy Wall Street, because the next group that shows up to protest is usually not so polite. At least that's what history tells us. Of course, we ignore that.
We ignore at our own peril, but ignore we do.
Why? Because we're stupid.
I choose that word carefully. Naive has a connotation of simplicity, ignorance cannot be helped.  But stupidity is different. We are willfully complicit in our own stupidity. We choose to be stupid. Stupidity is selfish,  vain and shortsighted.
We see what we choose to see, and turn our head to what we do not.
Occupy Wall Street was protesting the growing disparity, in this country,  between the rich and the rest of us. It protested the obvious unfairness between a CEO paying less taxes than his secretary. It protested the ongoing militarization of local police until they resembled an occupying army rather than cops on the the beat who knew every merchant by name.
How quaint. How '60s.
How fucking retro.
Who could take them seriously?
Nobody.
The oligarchy tolerated them for a while, then called out their bully boys and turned the fire hoses on them. They figured they would wash away like detritus on the pavement and come morning the streets would be pristine for the ruling class.
But now there's Baltimore.
And if we don't wise up, and begin to look at the issues that create a Baltimore, like racism, corruption, cop violence, poverty, plutocracy, we're going to experience a lot more.

A primal termite knocked on wood,
And tasted it, and found it good,
And that  is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
                         ~Ogden Nash

A recovering person walks into an Emergency Room...

...and what happens next ain't no joke.

Popular recovery wisdom suggests that you disclose to the physicians treating you that you have a history of chemical dependence or abuse. 

Sounds good.

But what happens next?

After decades of prescribing serious pain meds (the various 'codones and 'contins) the medical types are starting to wake up to the fact that people get hooked on them. And then what? Well, they show up looking for more where they got them--the Doc!

I am sure that no one needs me to explain the legitimate problem of the sick addict tying up a busy ER while looking for a medical fix. But what about the hapless soul who has worked hard to maintain recovery, only to be treated like the scammish conniving junkie they left behind years ago, just because they were honest enough to tell the truth about their history?

Fortunately, we are beginning to see some glimmers of common sense shining through the messy confusion in the way of ER protocols designed to accurately address the problem. It is possible to separate the med-seeker from the recovering individual in a dignified manner that allows both to get the treatments they need.

But let me be clear. These protocols, at this point, are a flashlight in a mine shaft.

The bigotry and ignorance couched in phrases like "once an addict, always an addict" are hard to eradicate. And the medical field is the same as any other in that respect.

Revival Maybe

So,  how come you stopped writing that great little blog, The Interventionist? Did you stop doing interventions? Go out of business? Dry up and have nothing to say?
What is this,  multiple choice? Okay, so I stopped writing for a while. What's the big deal?
You sound defensive.
Do not.
Do too.

That, or  some approximation, is what's been going on in my  head for the past year or so. It hasn't been resolved, but it is time to write myself out of a long dry spell. I started this blog with the intention of bringing addiction treatment into the 21st century.
I failed. Treatment remains as rooted in psychosocial superstition as ever.  Most rehabilitation centers are committed to methods consistently proven to be ineffective and dominated by finance rather than patient need.
It's time to begin looking at addiction and recovery in a new context.
A bigger context.

An Old Man's Winter Night

INVISIBLE

What's the first thing you think of when you see a homeless kid on the street? 

Where are their parents? Why aren't they in school? Am I about to get robbed?

What so you feel?

Pity? Sadness? Anger? Fear?

Well, guess what? If you thought or felt anything, you are in the minority. Most of us see or think or feel nothing when we walk past a homeless kid, because we don't even see them.

We have taught ourselves to simply keep on walking, riding or driving. We don't see homeless people. They are invisible.

Scholars, politicians and others invariably have strong opinions on the subject, but let me offer my humble opinion: It's risky to care.And because it's risky, because we scare ourselves out of reaching out, we cultivate a tunnel vision that allows go about our business, blind and deaf to the misery around us. And misery it is.

Help Covenant House help a homeless teenager

Every Year, More Than 2 Million Kids in America Will Face a Period of Homelessness

Behind the face of every homeless young person is another heartbreaking story – a teenage boy abused by his alcoholic parent, a pregnant girl rejected by her guardian, or a teenager trying to escape gang membership or a life of forced prostitution.

In case after case, the main cause of youth homelessness is physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse from parents or guardians.

The facts about homelessness are staggering ... but acknowledging the depth of the problem is the first step in fixing it.

• 57% of homeless kids spend at least one day every month without food.
• In the United States, as many as 20,000 kids are forced into prostitution by human trafficking networks every year.
• According to a study of youth in shelters, nearly 50% reported intense conflict or physical harm by a family member as a major contributing factor to their homelessness.
• More than 25% of former foster children become homeless within two to four years of leaving the system.
• 50% of adolescents aging out of foster care and juvenile justice systems will be homeless within six months because they are unprepared to live independently and have limited education and no social support.
• Almost 40% of the homeless in the United States are under 18.

I will be acknowledging the problem by sleeping on the streets of New York City on March 21st. Please acknowledge the problem by joining me. If you can't do it in person, please do it by making a donation to Covenant House.They have been helping homeless kids since 1972.

Covenant House Sleepout NYC 3/21/2014

Sleeping On The Street: Help Me Help Covenant House

A teenager on the street is the most vulnerable creature alive, fresh meat to every conceivable predator, addiction and abuse. Sometimes they believe they can't go back to their families; sometimes they literally cannot.
When I started working with teenagers in trouble, back in the 1970s, Covenant House was already there, doors open to kids in need.
Later this month some friends and I will be sleeping on the streets of NYC to draw attention to the problem of homelessness among teenagers, and to raise money for Covenant House to continue to do its good work.
The streets may be no country for old men, but they're no place for a kid, either.
Thanks to all of you who have contributed!
For those of you who haven't, well, I'm begging you. Whatever you can give. no contribution is too small. I'm begging so some kid on the street doesn't have to beg, or worse, to get a meal and a warm place to sleep.
Thanks
Ken

Young Professional Edition 2014 - New York: Ken Williams - Sleep Out: Young Professional Edition - Covenant House

Thanksgiving Tips For Everyone: Remember, It Didn't Work Out Well For The Indians, Either.

Surviving Thanksgiving

Think surviving is too strong a word? The National Safety Council estimates between 365 and 517 traffic deaths over the Thanksgiving Weekend, with estimates of non-fatal accidents ranging from 39,000 to 55,300.

Overdose deaths are on the increase for the 11^th consecutive year, presently averaging at nearly 40,000 per year. Or 105 per day. It’s a lot.

And there are always the smaller but significant statistics, the unfortunate souls who burn down the house while cooking the turkey, and the guy who electrocutes himself while putting lights up.

And that’s just for starters: How about mental health? While the old myth about suicide rates increasing over the holidays has been laid to rest, the fact is that there is something about the warm embrace of family and friends over a meal consisting of alcohol, starches and tryptophan that can really make you want to jump out of your skin, especially the warm embrace of the inevitable inebriated relative that lingers way too long.

What you can do:

Sober alcoholics in AA have developed some wonderful concepts that can be helpful to anyone dealing with a touch of holiday blues.

One Day At A Time: You don’t have to be an alcoholic to appreciate this one. Thanksgiving, Christmas New Years—when you break it down, each one is just another day. This helps to whittle down the juggernaut of “The Holidays” into a series of days, each one of which is manageable.

If family relations are strained or frayed, the holiday dinners and parties are a lot easier to get through if you are looking at it as just one day to get through and nothing more. It’s going to be a few hours of that day, actually, and anybody can handle a difficult relative for that time. Focus on the people who you really want to see, do your best with the ones you don’t, and always have an escape route!

Another bit of recovery wisdom useful this time of year is “Easy Does It.” Another therapist once asked, “You want to know what gets people crazy over the holidays?” His answer: “Their expectations.”

If you think about it, most holiday stress is self-generated. When did busting through the door of the big box store become the iconic image of the holiday season? Is there anything less appropriate to a season of gratitude, generosity and appreciation than a frenzy of greed? Easy Does It. Take a moment to think about what you really need. What you can give rather than what you can get. Easy Does It. Your party doesn’t have to be the biggest to be the best for your family and friends. Easy Does It, a good mantra for a hectic time of year.

A last recovery slogan that is helpful with the holidays is “Live And Let Live.” It’s common that over the holidays you may find yourself in social situations with people you would rather avoid. The anticipation of having to cozy up to someone you despise at the office party, or sit next to at the family Thanksgiving dinner, is enough to spoil the event before it has even happened. Live And Let Live lets you remember that obnoxious as someone may be, they have their life, and you don’t have to live it. It eases that judgmental part of ourselves that knows, down deep inside, that all would be well if everyone did exactly what we wanted them to do. All the time.

So, take the holidays one day at a time. When you find yourself stressed by slow traffic, long retail lines, endless Christmas lists, remember: Easy Does It! And when Uncle Jack from upstate decides to tell you everything that is horribly wrong with the last candidate you voted for, Live And Let Live. Take it easy on the booze and don’t burn your house down and you will have a good holiday season!

“Profoundly offensive, and an incredible waste”: Why are we busting drug users? - Salon.com

“Profoundly offensive, and an incredible waste”: Why are we busting drug users? - Salon.com

More on Addiction and Suboxone from the New York Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/18/health/at-clinics-tumultuous-lives-and-turbulent-care.html?src=recg

Addiction Treatment With a Dark Side - NYTimes.com

Many in recovery from addiction credit Suboxone as a miracle drug. Others see it as a curse. This article from the New York Times looks at both sides of the issue. What's your experience?

Addiction Treatment With a Dark Side - NYTimes.com:

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The Truth Hurts

Two news stories thriving online have to do with politicians in disgrace. Certainly nothing new about that. Both have to do with mayors, one in Toronto, one local, in Marcus Hook.

Both involving booze and sexually inappropriate behavior. 

Stories like this are as old as time and always appeal to that side of us that loves to see a spectacular wreck. 

Think about this, though. 

What's it like to be the father or the daughter or te spouse of one of these guys. What's it like to live with this kind of crazy, self-destructive behavior day after day. 

Because many of us do. The families of addicts and alcoholics learn to live with a lot. 

And have the scars to show for it. 

Marcus Hook Mayor Jay Schiliro guilty on all counts in booze-fueled incident

It's easy to point a finger or make a joke, but the fact is that drug and alcohol problems are serious issues.

Marcus Hook Mayor Jay Schiliro guilty on all counts in booze-fueled incident:

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FDA urges tighter controls for prescribed opioid painkillers

FDA urges tighter controls for prescribed opioid painkillers:

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We all agree that Opiates are a epidemic. So what do we do?

"For every complex problem there is a solution that is clear, simple and wrong."
~H.L. Mencken

Solving the Opioid Epidemic | The Fix:

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